written by Brenna Paxton
on May 9th, 2019
I was asked to imagine myself in a beautiful place.
So I envisioned the place I always visit in my mind’s eye – a lush, bright green, grassy field overflowing with wildflowers of all colors and magic. It seems to be valley, though everywhere I look I see no mountains – only rolling hills and beautiful, star-filled forests of tall, protective trees.
There’s a crystalline river rolling through the valley, which leads to mysterious coves deep enough for diving, peaceful lakes expansive enough for floating while the sun shines down on your face, and gently rolling streams overflowing with sparkling crystals and glowing treasures from other galaxies and not yet remembered lives.
I was asked to envision a cloud coming towards me, to carry me up higher into the cosmos.
So I imagined the cloud rolling closer, lifting me up and supporting me as I weightlessly ascended into an orb of opalescent white light. Then I stepped off the cloud, atop many other clouds, and looked around at the love-filled, endless sky.
I was asked to imagine a stairway descending downward…
And so I tried, but the stairway wanted to go upward.
So I ascended the staircase, one step at a time, though I felt I was moving deeper downward and higher upward at the exact same time. As though I was centered in the exact same spot, deep within my very own Heart, but expanding outwards in all directions – powerfully, eternally, brighter and stronger than I’d ever experienced before.
I was asked to describe the hallway that appeared at the end of the stairway.
So I turned inward, and opened my third eye, and waited for the hallway to be revealed in front of me.
As it appeared, it seemed to be made of all colors of light, a full spectrum swirling together – iridescent, opalescent, sparkling, radiant. The walls, the floor, the ceiling (if it was even there) all appeared to be made entirely of glass… or light, or energy – what could it be? Something magical, divine, mysterious, free.
I was asked to describe the doors in this hallway.
And as I focused my attention on this request, archways began to open in walls of iridescent light-glass. Simple archways of white stone, no columns or pillars – open to all who find their way to this particular expanse of the Astral Plane.
Instead of doors, these archways were shielded with veils of colored light – glowing, flowing, vibrant – yet somehow entirely opaque. I gravitated towards an archway that was glowing hot pink, but then it caught my eye, my attention, my soul – an archway shielded by a rainbow, a holographic dream.
“This is it,” I confirmed to myself.
“Found it,” I declared aloud.
And so I was asked to walk through the door.
I stuck my head through, fearlessly, to look around.
It was a bright, open, expanse. Pure – what you would think you’d want to describe as “nothingness” except it wasn’t nothingness at all… It was pure Potential, infinite possibilities, unconditional Love, the brightness of a soul lit on fire with the Spark of Cosmic Light.
I was asked to describe what was on the other side of the door.
I pulled my head back out to say “I’m confused. What will happen when I step through?”
“Will I float?”
“Will I fall?”
“What do I do?”
And I heard—as I have always heard—a calm and grounded, but playful and sweet, incredibly comforting, heart-expanding voice that always speaks to me when I do not understand the path forward.
“No Need to Fear, Step Through The Portal.”
And so suddenly I was inside this bright, open expanse, and for just the tiniest moment I did not understand what to do next. But before I could even form another question, I knew exactly what to do – and so I quickly conjured a rainbow, which I slid down ease-ily, and then gracefully landed, my bare feet on the ground – a lush, bright green grassy field overflowing with wildflowers of all colors and magic. And I looked around for a second and thought – “Wait. Wasn’t I just here a second ago? This is just the place I imagine every time I close my eyes.”
And the voice – I call her Astrid, even though she is infinite and genderless and can express herself as a kaleidoscopic spectrum of personalities – reminded me…
“This is a real place. You know it well.”
And then I instantly remembered. This is where I go to feel safe. To feel loved. To feel connected. To feel free to create in a place where everything is sacred and that sacred practice is respected. Where no one will examine my creative expression with their ego unleashed and their open wounds spewing “constructive critiques.”
This is where I go every time I close my eyes. And no, it isn’t just a made-up idea in my mind. it’s a world, another dimension, the star where my soul resides. It’s a place I carry deep within my heart. And I first discovered it when I was in desperate need for help, guidance, consolation, reprieve.
But I was very young, in Earthling years, when I first needed this retreat. I entered into a family that was strong but facing some challenging feats.
My sister felt she had no option but to leave, forced out of her own body by someone else’s pain. This world was too dense, too dark, too low. She would float away every night while her bedroom door was tightly closed.
My mother would react, shut down in sadness, triggered from wounds passed down from parents to children. She would cry in extreme confusion. How do you move forward after generations of misinformation?
My father couldn’t understand, a scientist and a logical man. While he had the best intentions, he had no way to comprehend the things that were happening in other dimensions.
Creative inspiration was my most sacred form of aligned expression. But I remember the moment my free-flowing trust began to hide away as an attempt at self-preservation. Too happy, too enlightened, too bright with enthusiasm, my ideas became unwelcome and my passion overwhelming to this world of sleeping people who had forgotten their true identities.
It hurt too much to acknowledge daily – this collective subconscious rejection of Cosmic Epiphanies. It was easier to live in two distinct realities, the world of society and the world of mysteries. I’d spend every possible moment in this far-off place, where I felt truly safe and free to create. Then I’d pop back into “reality,” sometimes asking others to join me in space.
At night, while I lay in bed, I’d tune into my sister and find her on another star. But I always kept my distance, it was a solo journey she was on. I just kept an eye on her from afar.
Often, I’d get worried that she wasn’t going to come back. I’d tip toe over to her bedroom and press my ear against her door. I’d wait to hear her breathing, or moving, switching CDs or changing the track.
There were times the whole family could tell something Just Wasn’t Right. I’d find myself outside her door, eyes tightly closed, face towards the stars, my hands grasped together in front of my heart, pleading for guidance – I was in the dark. I didn’t know who or what I was seeking, but I was desperate, my only option to trust that inner feeling.
And somehow, the commitment to the faith itself was what revealed my true path forward. And so, standing outside her door, my hands clenched tight, I went on a mysterious journey – courageously stepping forward in spite of my fears – to find my sister in the Outersphere and bring her back to Earth.
“I know it’s not easy, it even seems wrong, but we’re here for a reason, and we can’t do it alone. I PROMISE you, no matter what it takes, we will do this life together, we will find a way. I know it’s hard. It’s so, so hard. But the Earth needs your Magic. This World needs your Art. Come back. Come back. Please. Come. Back.”
She is meant to be here. We are meant to be here. We came here for a reason. And I know it’s hard. It’s so, so hard. But we don’t have to do it alone. We can do it together. And I PROMISE you, no matter what it takes, I will be here for you and I will hold your hand as we do this life together. This Earth needs your Magic. This World needs your Wisdom. Come back. Come back. Please. Come. Back.
And while our journeys have always been cosmically intertwined, that was the moment we both committed to the Path of Illumination. Parallel paths, spiraling in different directions. Intimately linked. Yet uniquely distinct.
Years passed full of intense inner work, journeys to the darkest depths, and explorations into the highest lights. Then spirit ushered me into a birth canal – a similar journey to the one I had been traveling for the 18 years before, but an outward reflection of the journey this time. An exploration into the vast expression of our collective perception of reality.
This adventure was physical. On Earth. In my body. Traveling by plane, car, train, bus, and ferry. Getting lost down unknown roads and finding myself in hidden corners of the world. Recognizing my Self through exploring the Other. Knowing my Self through falling in Love with Strangers.
And while that journey led me Home to my Self within my own heart, I had split myself in half – put up a wall between my Truth and “Reality.” I stopped expressing the Truest parts of myself. My singing voice disappeared, my curly hair fell straight, my desire to intuitively create was overridden by the pressure to never make a mistake.
And so I spent the past 10 years on a quest to remember my Truest nature. I received moment after moment of guidance and Illumination. But I was keeping each foot in separate dimensions, without my full awareness of the situation. Then suddenly, 3 years ago – almost to the day – a different feeling started coming into play –
A desire for Embodiment, a union of selves – my body, my spirit, my Illuminated soul – a longing to exist as my Highest Self within a physical body, a daily practice of earthly divinity.
It came to me one day like the rush of a huge wave. It landed in my mind all at once – this energy, this place, this entity, this purpose. I couldn’t quite hear its name at first, but I could see it. It was bright, glowing, iridescent, rainbow, sparkling, expansive.
It flowed down from the cosmos and entered into my body through the crown of my head, instantly putting me into a trance-like, tingling weightlessness. Immense visions of entire worlds entered my Being, revealing themselves to me, quickly, all at once.
So I wrote it all down. And I made lists. I asked questions. I gained clarity. I refined the details. I committed to seeing this Otherworldly Energy as clearly and specifically as possible. I meditated. I channeled. I chanted. I danced. I invoked my guides. I painted. I cried.
I sought out support and resources to take my commitment to this Vision even deeper. I channeled art to share, wisdom to disperse, ideas to spread, and inspiration to manifest into the world as physical embodiments of this – my most Sacred and Divinely Protected Vision.
And yet, for those past 3 years, this Vision mostly remained in my journals and dreams. Every detail of every project, mapped out clearly and specifically. Practically every step and potential challenge thought through, reflected upon, and solved “as much as possible until I actually do it in real life.”
Every few months, a lightning strike of Inspiration and Purpose would activate my deepest Truth and Illuminate my entire Being and I would say “IT IS TIME. This Vision is ready to be shared with the world!” and I would push and hurry and scramble to try and “put it out there” as quickly as I could, “THE TIME IS NOW. IT’S NOW OR NEVER.”
But then that pressure would soon fold in on me and my Fears would rear their heads and I’d shut down, withdraw, find a reason to say “It isn’t time YET, though it WAS an up-leveling, an activation. I’m learning patience. I’m clarifying the Vision.”
It took 2 of those years to understand how this was a push and pull between my Soul and my Ego – between my Inner Knowing and my Societal Programming. But even then, I shamed myself for not sharing my Vision with the world every time I felt that lightning strike again. I was frustrated, sad, and angry at myself each time I let another one of these “NOWs” pass without doing what I had dreamed of.
This past year has been revealing a new perspective, showing me this journey from a whole new dimension.
Every time that cosmic lightning would strike, I was reintegrating a piece of my soul’s truest nature. Pieces that had been hidden away in dark corners of my subconscious. Pieces that had been programmed to believe the lies society had taught me. Pieces that were sent off into another dimension to protect myself from pain, shame, and sadness.
With each activation, each re-integration, I slowly started merging the two worlds of Earth and Starlight.
As this union between divine and earthly selves grew closer, the anticipation, excitement, and pressure grew stronger. The “goal” of my journey seemed to be approaching, so naturally and paradoxically, I became more aware of the immense distance that I still needed to go.
This pressure, if not understood clearly, can be detrimental to the manifestation of our Visions. This pressure is not a burden, or weight, or something to shame. It’s a cosmic contraction. The big bang. An intense switch between Yin and Yang.
Between the divine feminine – the receptive, star-filled womb, where we are safe to grow and come Home to our Selves within the watery mysteries of the Universe – and the divine masculine – the active, expansive, spark that lights the candle of cosmic Truth, the fire and energy that propels us forward, that pushes us through and births us into our whole, integrated, and embodied Selves.
The shifts between Yin and Yang began having shorter amounts of time between them, the cycle increasing rapidly, the pressure building.
Then suddenly, my fear of leaping into expansive transformation became more unbearable than the leap itself.
And so, under the New Moon in Taurus, I entered into the Astral Plane – as I always do when I close my eyes. But this time, with intention, I asked my guides to show me the One Final Thing I knew I was missing in order to be born anew on Earth as my Truest, most expansive Self.
“This is a real place. You know it well,” Astrid reminded me, “You need to bring this place, your Home, to Earth.”
“But, How?” I asked, “I’m scared.”
And all at once, the world I have been envisioning flashed before my mind’s eye, and Astrid told me –
“You have been building it for years – a Portal to The Astral Plane. It is not only in your dreams, it is a real place anyone can visit. And now that you know this, you can finish building this Portal with divine intention so that others may also return Home, to find and remember their soul’s own sacred star. Your Vision will be protected here, your heart free to express your deepest and most authentic Truth. Pay no mind to those who do not understand – for the medicine you bring to Earth is only for a select few.
Those who resonate with the light you are channeling can feel in their hearts that they Know. And the moment their eyes fall upon The Portal, their Initiation has begun.”
And so –